Chicken Fried Steak//Pepper Gravy//Warm Sweet Potato & Wilted Arugula Salad

I absolutely love chicken fried steak. The name is ridiculous and it sits like a lead sinker in your stomach, but the combo of rich gravy with the crispy batter makes this classic irresistible. I paired the steak with a little bit of a lighter accompaniment. The salad has enough weight to feel like a real southern dinner, but not so heavy that it stays with you all day.

I'm not sure who thought it was a good idea to deep fry tough steaks, but thank God you did.

Ingredients:

• 2 Cubed Steaks, about 1/4 of an inch thick
• 2 cups flour, seasoned with salt, pepper and paprika, plus 2 tablespoons plain flour for roux
• 4 eggs
• 3 cups oil for frying
• 2 sweat potatoes, large dice
• half an onion finely diced
• 2 tablespoons cream
• 1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/3 a stick of butter
• 1 cup milk
• 1 tablespoon cracked black pepper
• 1 1/2 cups fresh arugula

For the Salad

1.  Cut the potatoes into a large dice, keep the skins on.  Preheat oven to 400
2. Finely dice half an onion. 
3. Spread evenly on a baking sheet, drizzle with oil and add salt, pepper and paprika
4. Bake at 400 for about 40 minutes or until soft/starting to brown
5. In a small tupperware container add 2 tablespoons cream, 1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar, 1 teaspoon garlic powder. Season with salt and pepper. Add lid and shake. Boom. Dressing. 
6. Once potatoes are cooked, scrape into a large bowl and while still hot add the arugula and mix well until arugula starts to wilt
7. Add dressing, mix and set aside

For the Steaks

1. In a large frying pan heat up 3 cups of oil to 350. 
2. Set up a dredging station. 
3. From left to right, set up one plate with 1 cup flour, another large dish with 4 eggs that have been beaten, and one more plate closest to the hot oil with more flour. 
4. Season the steaks with salt and pepper as you see fit. 
5. Go from left to right, first making sure there is an even coat of flour on the steaks, then dip in the egg and finally coat heavily in the seasoned flour. Shake off any excess and gently drop into the oil. Place them away from you so if any oil splashes you won't burn the living shit out of your hand. 
6. Fry that side for about 6-8 minutes until golden brown and crispy. Repeat on the other side and then do the same with the other steak. 
7. Place on a paper towel after it's cooked to drain all oil. 

For the pepper Gravy: 

1. Melt 1/3 of a stick of butter over medium heat in a medium sauce pan. If you have any leftover bacon grease use some of that as well. Makes the gravy even better. 
2. Add 2 tablespoons of flour, and cook the roux until it starts to become just a little browned.
3. Add milk in small 1/4 cup measurements until the gravy starts to thicken up.
4. Once you achieve desired thickness add 1/2 tablespoon black pepper. You can add more if you like 
5. Season with salt and a dash of garlic powder and paprika. 
6. Finish with a dash of cream. 
7. Place gravy over the steaks. 

Burger: Smoked Cheddar//Jalapeño Beer BBQ Sauce//Caramelized Onion//Fried Jalapeño//Chipotle Slaw//Bacon

The made-from-scratch BBQ sauce really ties this whole burger together. I love the standard Kraft Single, frozen patty, and grocery store bun as much as the next guy, but why not try and blow their socks off with this sweet and spicy burger. It's almost the 4th of July after all.

For Sauce: 

• 1 Cup Lager
• 3 Jalapeños, finely chopped
• 1/2 cup white vinegar
• 1/3 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 cup ketchup
• 1 tablespoon honey mustard
• 1 teaspoon soy sauce
• Salt/pepper
• 1 tsp garlic powder

For Everything Else

• Hamburger Buns
• 1 lb groundbeef
• 1/2 red onion cut into ribbons
• 4 Slices smoked Cheddar Cheese
• 4 slices bacon
• Salt/pepper
• 1/2 bag cole slaw mix
• 2 tbsp sour cream
• 1 tbsp chipotle sauce (or 3 whole pureed canned chipotle peppers)
• 1 Head of lettuce
• 2 jalapenos, sliced into rings

For the Sauce: 

1. Finely dice 3 of the jalapeños
2. Heat up a small sauce pan to medium heat, add diced jalapenos and sweat. 
3. Once the Jalapeños have devloped some color add the beer, and reduce for about 3 minutes. 
4. Add ketchup, brown sugar, vinegar, honey mustard, soy sauce, garlic powder, salt and pepper.
5. Reduce until the sauce thickens and can easily coat a spoon, aprox. 12 minutes. 

For the burger: 

1. Slice half a red onion into shreds and cut the 2 jalapenos into rings, discarding the stem. 
2. In a small frying pan, add 1 teaspoon oil, and apply low heat. Add onions and slowly cook for 20-30 minutes until brown and caramelized.Remove from pan and set aside
3. In the same pan, fry 3 slices of bacon over medium heat. Once cooked, remove the bacon and add the jalapeno rings and fry until they just start to brown. 
4. Drain Oil and set aside. 
5. In a medium bowl, mix cole slaw mix, chipotle sauce (or peppers) and sour cream. Set aside. 
6. Clean oil out of frying pan, and add a pad of butter, heat to medium. Add buns and toast until golden brown. 
7. Form 2 patties from the ground beef approx. 4 inches in diameter, and 1/2 an inch thick. 
8. Season with salt and pepper, and either grill or fry until medium. Add cheese once the burgers are almost finished, approx. 10 minutes. 
9. Allow the burger to rest for 5 minutes. 

To Stack

1. Lay the burger down on the bottom half of the toasted bun,
2. Place the bacon, fried Jalapeños and caramelized onions. 
3. Drizzle with homemade BBQ sauce
4. Add piece of lettuce, and spread slaw ontop of lettuce. 
5. Top burger with the other half of the bun, and eat that burger up. 

Flatbread: Smokey Canellini Spread//Pear//Genoa Salami//Arrugala//Balsamic Reduction//Parmesan

Made this on a whim this Sunday afternoon. I gotta say, it's a knockout. If you got an hour or so to dedicate to making a delicious flatbread, definitely give it a go. The pears offset the salty/savory notes of the salami perfectly.

For dough: (you can use pre-made pizza dough if need be, but let it come to room temp first. It will be easier to work with. 

• 1 packet dry yeast
• 2 cups all purpose or bread flour
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1 teaspoon sea salt
• 2 tablespoons olive oil 
• 3/4 cups warm water

For everything Else

• 1 can cannellini beans
• 1 pear
• 2 teaspoons smoked paprika
• Juice of 1 lemon wedge (approx 1/4 of the lemon)
• 1 Cup Arugula
• 8 slices of salami, cut lengthwise into ribbons
• 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• grated Parmesan cheese
• salt and pepper as needed

For the dough (you can skip this if you're buying it)

1.  Add the yeast packet to the warm water, whisk and allow to activate. approx. 5 minutes. It should bubble
2. Add oil, salt, and sugar, whisk through. 
3. Add flour and mix until a slightly sticky dough forms. It's sort of an art here, so if the dough feels too sticky add more flour in single tablespoon increments. 
4. Once the dough has formed up, let it rise for an hour or so until it has doubled in size. While the dough is rising, preheat the oven to 400 °F
5. Once risen, knead for about 5-10 minutes and roll out. You want it to be as thin as possible. Mine was approx 1/8 to 1/4 of an inch in certain places. It doesn't have to be perfect. 
6. Grease a baking pan, and lay out your dough. Bake for approx. 8-10 minutes until a slight crust starts to form. You don't want to cook it through, but you want it to be a little crusty so that when the other ingredients get laid out the dough doesn't turn to mush. 

For everything else: 

1. Set one baking rack in the center, and move another to the highest one. Set broiler to low. 
2. Open the can of cannellini beans and either process until smooth or  put them in a bowl and mash. Either option is fine depending upon what equipment you have. 
3. Once the beans are mashed add the paprika, lemon juice, salt and pepper. Mix well and set aside. 
4. Slice the pear as thin as possible. Set aside
5. Cut approx. 8 slices of salami into ribbons. You can use more if you want. I found 8 slices to be the perfect amount to offset the pear. 
6. Place balsamic vinegar into a small pot. Add the sugar, whisk together and set heat to medium high. The mixture will begin to boil quickly. You want the mixture to reduce by half and coat a spoon. Once reduced remove from head and place into a bowl/container to cool 
7. Spread bean mixture over the partially cooked dough, and lay out salami followed by the pair. Do it as evenly as possible leaving room for a crust along the edge. 
8. Once the oven is preheated set the baking pan with the flatbread on the top rack. Keep an eye on it but generally this will caramelize the pears and make the salami crispy in about 8-10 minutes. 
9. Once the pears have caramelized and the salami has crisped up, remove from the top rack, set the oven to bake at 400 and put the pan in the center rack. 
10. Cook for another 5-10 minutes until the crust of the flatbread is golden brown.
11. Once cooked, remove from the oven and allow to set for 5 minutes. 
12. Lay out the arugula evenly across the flatbread
13. Dip a spoon into the balsamic reduction and drizzle across the flatbread as desired. 
14. Dust with grated parmesan and serve. It goes good with a crisp sauvignon blanc or hoppy IPA. 

Chopped: The Post-Modern Coliseum

Chopped is my favorite show on television. I love watching talented chefs whip up breath taking dishes in a matter of minutes using ingredients that go together like my Mark Walhberg and the Asian community in the 90's. I also love watching people totally blow it trying to make a smelt and blueberry compote on top of a deflated popover as the judges gag on it. 

Especially you, Chris Santos. You don't have to be so smug.

That being said, I have no idea where these producers find the people that end up on the show. Maybe my experience in kitchens is limited, but every chef cannot possibly be the absurd Kurt Vonnegut characters that they manage to bring on. Most of them are outwardly intolerable. If you've seen the show, you know what I'm talking about.

Allow me to set it up for you: 

(Man with jet black hair formed into a impeccable,  greased back undercut with horn rim glasses, and a well trimmed moustache slowly crosses his arms with a meat cleaver in one arm while he smirks with one corner of his mouth. He walks past the chopped doors and you notice he is actually pretty out of shape.)

"My name is Trey and I'm the executive chef and owner of The Sloppy Beaver Microbewbus and Community Eatery. I've always been a little bit of a rebel so coming into the restaurant industry I wanted to shake things up."

(Cut to trey riding a motorcycle)

"I already know I can cook and I'm just here to prove to myself I'm better than the competition. I'll probably spend the money on opening my cocktail bar in Brooklyn. The space used to be a formaldehyde processing factory so I'm gonna call it the The Dump. I really love the industrial/manufacturing vibe. Watch out Chopped, I'm coming for you"

And just like that you hate him. 

There are also the more humble types who are equally as unlikable;the kind that when they present their dish give some lame trope such as: 

"Judges, for you today I present a saffron and cumin seared sea bass with pickled radish and olive tapenade atop a bed of seasonal greens. Growing up, my cat got run over by the bus driver and I really want to honor his memory with this sea bass because Rustles really loved fish. I want to inspire everyone who has ever had their cat run over by a school bus and know what it's like to live in fear of the school bus everyday." 

You want them to lose too. I'm sure most of the personalities are either entirely fabricated or exaggerated to the point absurdity, but I get sucked in every time. I get attached to the chef I hate the least and he becomes my warrior and I his patron.

It's even worse with the "Chopped: Teens Edition" I think I'm a terrible person because these episodes are even easier to rip on for me. Again, I do not know where they find these kids. The chopped producers must scourge every Manhattan prep school to find the one kid that not only knows every choreographed move to the musical "Cats!" , but also bakes and can speak 3 different languages. I love my parents, but if at any point growing up I told them I wanted to study dance and be a chef, they would have scoffed and said "Do your math homework".

Even though the coliseum lost it's physical foundation, I like to think it still exist in some way. The barbarian slave that was fighting off tigers and lions has been replaced by some dorky kid from Chicago with scoliosis tasked with making a cake out of lobster shells, chicken livers and candy cigarettes. The outcome is almost inevitably theatrical failure but we love it just as much. 

It says something about what we are as humans and where we have come from. Human beings are about extremes. We love and almost bask in the total failure and absolute successes of others, in the same way we seem to be drawn or disgusted by the dynamic and absurd personalities presented on Chopped. I'm probably over thinking it, but it shows progress! Humans will probably always love conflict, but instead of watching gladiators get their heads chopped off, we revel in Kimmy from Des Moines burning the shit out of Duck L'Orange as she gets sent packing. 

Seared Chicken Thighs//Honey Roasted Brussels Sprouts// Garlic Ricotta Mash//Scratch Rosemary Gravy

I'll be straightforward here. This is a no short-cuts recipe. It is going to take more than an hour, but it will be worth it when you finally eat it.

It's the kind of recipe that seems to have been lost between our grandparents and our generation and that's sad. Make Sunday Dinner Great Again. MSDGA?

Ingredients

• 4-5 skin on, bone-in, chicken thighs
• 1-1 1/2 cups chicken broth
• Salt, pepper, paprika
• 1/2 an onion
• 3 tablespoons honey
• 2 cups brussels sprouts, cut in half
• 2 rosemary sprigs
• 1 cup ricotta cheese
• 5 cloves garlic, 2 peeled and diced, 3 left whole
• 3 large russet potatoes 
• 6 tbsp butter
• 3 tbsp flour
• 2 tbsp olive oil

Directions

For Potatoes 

1.  Peel potatoes if you prefer, or leave skins on if you like them. Cut into even chunks, approx. a cubic inch. Peel 3 cloves of garlic
2.  Fill large pot with enough water to cover potatoes, add a pinch of salt, bring to a boil
3. Once boiling, toss in potatoes and 3 whole cloves of garlic
4. Boil until potatoes are fork tender
5. Drain potatoes with a strainer and place into a large bowl
6. Mash with the 1 cup ricotta cheese, and 3 tbsp butter until lumps are gone. Set aside

For Brussels Sprouts 

1. Pre-heat oven to high broil, move one rack to highest position, another in the middle
2. Cut sprouts in half lengthwise and put into a large bowl
3. Finely dice onion and garlic and add to bowl
4. Add honey, salt, pepper and olive oil to bowl
5. Toss and lay sprouts out on an baking sheet so that none of them are stacked 
6. Place rack on the highest rack and broil on high for approx 5-8 minutes until the sprouts are just starting to char
7. Move to center rack and set oven to bake at 400 and bake for another 10 minutes until heated through, but still crisp. 

For Chicken/Gravy

1. Season chicken thighs with salt, pepper and paprika. Keep Oven preheated at 400. 
2. Heat 1 tbsp of olive oil until near smoking in a large frying pan
3. Put in chicken thighs skin side down and cook until they become unstuck. A good fond should form as the chicken sears. Flip over and repeat. The thighs should shrink in size and the the outside 
4. Once both sides are seared place onto a greased baking pan and bake until cooked through on the middle rack. Approx. 25-30 mins
5. While the chicken is cooking keep the fat in the pan and add remaining 3 tbsp of butter and 2 sprigs of rosemary. 
6. Once butter is fully melted and bubbly add 3 tbsp flour and whisk until roux forms. 
7. Bring down to medium heat and slowly add chicken broth in 1/4 cup increments until desired thickness is reached. Sometimes this will require bringing heat up. 

Plate that up and you are good to go! 

Easy Vegetarian Stir Fry-Moscow Mule Style

Stir fries are delicate meals. I won't even pretend to insinuate that I have them perfected but I have learned quite a bit from absolutely butchering them in the past. Too much time in the wok and they turn into a mushy mess, too little and the veggies are too woody and raw to be enjoyed. It's the perfect combination of high heat and constant motion that makes for a good stir fry. You also have to take into consideration the nature and makeup of the ingredients. Some ingredients cook faster and thus go in at the end.

I whipped this one up with some leftover farmers market veggies that I needed to use up. I had also been drinking moscow mules the weekend before and had some leftover ginger beer, so this is a sort of bastardized, vegetarian orange chicken. It turned out pretty good.

What ya need:

• 1 knob ginger, approx. 1 cm cube, crushed
• 4 gloves garlic, minced until near puree
• 1 bell pepper, cut into strips
• 1/2 a red onion, cut into slices
• 1 1/2 cups sliced button mushroom
• 1 cup matchsticked carrots (mine were a little bigger, would recommend smaller)
• 1 lime, cut into 1/4ths 
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce
• 2 tablespoons ginger beer
• 1 teaspoon rice wine vinegar
• 1/2 table spoon corn starch 
• 1 jalapeno, seeds and pith removed, diced
• optional: 1 teaspon fish sauce, 1/2 tablespoon oyster sauce,  finely sliced thai basil
• Brown rice, quinoa, whatever grain you like
• 1/2 tablespoon coconut, olive, canola oil whatever you prefer

Directions

1. Chop all the veg. Try and make them uniform in size. This while ensure even cooking. I use a mortar and pestle to grind my garlic and ginger, but a fine dice is totally okay. Make quinoa or rice, set a side. 
2. Heat up the oil until roaring hot in a wok, or large frying pan with tall sides. 
3. Throw in carrots with about half the ginger and a squeeze of lime, stir until the lose a little bit of their firmness on high heat approx 3-4 minutes. 
4. Toss in sliced onion, pepper, jalapeno, mushrooms, garlic and ginger, toss on high heat until veggies soften but are still crisp to the bite approx. 2-3 minutes. 
5. Put in soy sauce, rice wine vinegar and the juice of half a lime. Also add the ginger beer. Keep on high heat for approx. 1 minute while stirring. (Optional: add fish sauce or oyster sauce now if you have it. I ran out)
6. Season with salt and pepper, and add cornstarch while stirring, The small amount of sauce in the pan should thicken. 
7. Serve immediately over quinoa or rice with sriracha and a wedge of lime. 

\

You're Getting A Hot Dog

My brother Pat doesn't know when to stop. He never did. The problem really is that he's funny as hell and you can be angry and annoyed with him, but laughing at the same time. This was the bane of my mothers existence for a few years back when my brother was between the ages of 8-14. He was the biggest goof and it's hard to discipline a kid when you're actively trying to suppress a chuckle. 

My dad is one of those "Everyone is going to bed now" types. I don't know why, but sometimes on weeknights, around 8:30 or so , he would stand up from the couch and announce that everyone in the house was going to bed as if it was some sort of God-mandated proclamation to be obeyed by all. I don't know why it mattered that everyone went to bed, or why it pestered him knowing that other people were awake while he was asleep, but nonetheless it happened semi-regularly. 

On one such night Pat really didn't feel like going to bed. On the way up the stairs he told me to come into his room after my Dad had gone to sleep. He told me that we would stay up late, and at 1 AM we would march up and down the stairs, with my other brother Ian, chanting "Hakuna Matata" in military cadence until my Dad and Mom woke up.

Well, we did it and my Dad was pissed. 

Hopefully that paints the picture of the sort of nonsense Pat got himself into. He also got staples in his head while pretending a chunk of concrete was a Pokeball and he was a Pokemon. He was 16. 

Another one of my Dad's favorite activities was yard work. He also enjoyed using the free labor provided to him by the fact that we were his offspring. I've grown to like and appreciate yard work as the Dad-Zen and a form of middle class meditation but as a kid it sucked. Pat was literally the worst employee. My youngest brother, Ian and I would work hard. Pat would do something else. 

In the fall we would rake leaves onto a tarp and then either pull them into the woods or shove them in the street so they got pushed into the Marriot property and we were no longer our responsibility. Pat was no where to be found, he would instead steal the tarp, wrap it around his shoulders as some sort of cape and declare himself "a scary dragon". He would then push Ian on the ground and not let him up for a good 20 minutes. I would usually rat him out, at which point, my Dad would come outside, chuckle a little bit and tell Pat to get back to work. 

As soon as my Dad left Pat would continue with his nonsense. I again would snitch because I wanted to go home and my Dad would be a little more stern. Eventually the work would get done, but only after the threat of physical violence from Ian and myself towards Pat. 

After all the edging, mowing, mulch laying, hedge trimming and weed-whacking was done it was lunch time. Although I didn't like the yard work, my Dad was a fair employer and usually took us to lunch afterwards. Normally we went to a local tavern where I would get a burger or Philly cheese steak. 

Patrick almost invariably had no choice but to get hot dog every time. 

I can still remember sitting down in the high top chairs of the Oakhill Tavern and the waitress coming up to take our orders. 

"Scott and Ian, you guys can get whatever you want. Pat you're getting a hot dog". 

Pat would groan and stomp his feet while we would all laugh ear to ear. My dad was not being cruel. Pat had done no work all day. He had played "scary dragon" instead of raking. 

"How's your hot dog pat?" I would always ask. He would kick me under the table. 

Every now and then when the waitress would arrive, Pat would try to be sneaky and order something different upon which he would be immediately corrected by all of us with raucous laughter. The waitress would usually laugh too. 

It got to the point where the hot dog represented justice. A shaved steak sandwich dripping in grease and melted provolone was justice for the sweat of your brow. A hot dog with chips was your retribution for chasing Ian with a rake.  

There were times when we all got hot dogs. Although it was usually Pat, there were times where we were all guilty by association. Either that or money was tight and a hot dog with chips was $1.50 in 1999. 

I'm 25 and it's been a long time since I've had to do yard work for my Dad. However, every now and then if I've got a hefty day of chores around the house, after all the work is done, I'll get a real hankering for a cheap hot dog. I don't eat them frequently, but there is something to be said for scarfing down a mystery meat tube with dirt still on your hands and sweat still on your forehead. It's not even punishment anymore. In fact, it's really quite nice.